So, I have ti do the dishes in the morning cause if someone else does them before me I will lose my mind. Is it that hard to scrub a dish clean? You would think not, but apparently, we are mistaken. Oh well, what are you gonna do...
So, I haven't been around much and there is a lot to catch up on. That asshole is still an asshole and tried to call me on my new boyfriends birthday. I was surprised. I thought he might have truly given up. its weird when you find out they still think of you. everyone says its a booty call and I'm sure it is, but he did fall for me a little so I know it's more than that. He missed the boat on that shit. To start with he was already losing the battle, he would have been another shitty boyfriend in a line of shitty boyfriends, but now... He doesn't even know that there is someone new that puts him to shame. The bar has been set way to high for him to even attempt a come back.
And obviously, I have a boyfriend, and he is awesome! But I'm not here to be all cheesy and shit, so...
Now that time has gone by since the funeral I feel like I can talk about it more clearly. It was so weird to be in that place with those people. Not seeing your family for so long and then getting them all together at once is scary. It was much smoother than you wold ever expect but we still had our moments. I lost it at the very end and yelled at my mom and uncle. My brother lost his meal, but i got to be the one to hold back all of his amazing hair and have never felt closer to him. I finally met the cutest little girl, my cousin's daughter, and now know what all the hype is for.
Damn, I feel like I'm just babbling, as usual I guess, but still, I'd rather not. I'd rather write you something intense and beautiful. Something you would want to read. Not a list of things that I have done or had happen to me.
My body is acting up a lot again. The pain was so that I cried myself to sleep the other night, wondering why it had to be me. What did I do to deserve this?! I don't truly believe that I deserve it, but sometimes you feel like it really is your fault and that Karma is being a bitch just for you. It sucks. I get scared and overwhelmed, especially since I know there is nothing that can be done. There is no cure for me. Nothing at all.
So, I'm just sitting on the fire escape in the rain, which I probably shouldn't be typing in and wondering if one more cigarette is a good idea or not. I have only had a few today, so one more isn't the end of the world I guess. Damn, I really thought I had something to say tonight. 4 something in the morning and I got nothing. Other than people with umbrellas in the city piss me off to no end. Please do not stand under the awning at the bus stop with your umbrella open!!! It's ridiculous and keeps people like me from being about to get out of the rain for two seconds, you bastards!!!!
Alright, my computer is getting wet and I'm gonna smoke.
