I am having a mini melt down due to this whole wedding thing. I can't seem to keep my head straight. Besides freaking out about places, times, people, food and hair I am completely scared of money! Where is it going to come from is what I'd like to know?
Although, the more depressing part is the reality that friendships are no longer what they used to be. Three of the closest people to me that I have known longer than almost everyone else invited have disappeared. I have had to let go of two maids of honor and a minister. I have no idea what is going on between us and don't think I ever will. One is completely MIA. I can't get through and I don't even think either of her phones are still connected. The other has finally reached out to me, probably two months ago. She promised to call next week and I haven't heard anything since. And the minister, which whom I have spoken to a little is so busy and over worked that I am asking someone else to be on call for the ceremony.
To make things a little more fun, my fiance is shutting down as well. He can't seem to be involved too much and I think it's simply that he can't handle the stress. That's fine, I figured I'd be on my own with this but I could use a smidge of assistance. Like figuring out where we're going to live while I take care of the menu, plus the laundry, and dishes. I'm getting bitter.
My favorite part, however, has to be the "best" friend who is not in the wedding, doesn't want to be IN the wedding but promised us a place to crash for a month or two. Insisted even, on us staying with her and her husband. Only problem is that her husband can't handle it and they've been fighting about it for weeks. This wouldn't bother me, in fact, I would normally be there for my friend and explain that this kind gesture is too much and thank you but we are going to stay somewhere else. I would have said that to her if I had even known that there was a problem. I had to call her every day, sometimes three times, until I got her on the phone one week before I had to move telling me I have no where to go! This is something she should have called me right away about. Tell me it doesn't look too good and that you are trying your best but make sure there is a plan B just in case. Keep me posted. Don't fucking hide from me because you feel guilty about having to go back on your word. I know you offered your home without checking with the man first. I will understand if there is a problem. Fuck you.
The best part with the second brides maid was the email apologizing for not being around or answering calls or checking email or anything and then ending it with "but you did miss my birthday". You should know by now how bad I am with dates. You should also know that my life is a little crazy too and it might have slipped my mind. You could also recall that we did speak a week or so right before your birthday and I offered to get you a brand new cell phone so that you could call people and be safe. She was upset, too, about my offering her a place to stay to get out of what seems to be an abusive relationship. I only offered to let you know you have options. You don't have to say yes. You don't have to do anything. But if you're going to keep bitching about how things are, I am going to keep giving you ideas to fix or help. I just thought I was being a good friend, not a bully. Come on, you're supposed to be the tough one, not the friend I walk on egg shells around, remember!?!? That was my old roommate. How can I be there for you if I can't reach you? How will I know what's going on if you don't return any of my calls, emails or whatevers. And not having email for weeks at a time, months even? That's ridiculous. Anyone can get to their email these days. Plus, I thought your mom was getting you that new phone? Isn't that why you turned me down? Shouldn't you be able to call me now? It's also difficult to want to stay in touch when you promise to call back or get in touch tomorrow or next week and you never do!
Alright, enough about that.
And don't get me started on the person who is not even involved getting way to involved. Look, it's my wedding. If there's something you can help me with, great, but I am not going to ask you for any help if it means you are now bridezilla. I'm the one who gets to be crazy. Just the bride. And considering everything that is going on, I should be losing it. But, guess what? I'm not. So calm the fuck down and leave my mom alone!
I'm just going to take it all on myself and fuck all of you mother fuckers who can't figure out how to be helpful! I'll set up my own shower. I'll transport my own food. I'll build my own ceremony canopy. I'll decide on the decore, seating, invites, cake, bridal party, tuxedo, dress, hair and where we are going to live! And, I'll do my own damn make-up to boot! Fuck it!
