RIP and move on I guess...

So, I am doing well,  Things of course are  still crazy, but they're coming together.  I have a lot of things to take care of in the next weeks that involve my future, both in life and school so it's a little heavy.  But it could be worse.  I still haven't heard from the asshole, and unfortunately buried my uncle this past weekend.  That was intense.  I haven't really talked about it too much because I don't think my mind is ready to handle it.  There are so many layers...

My family, the bigger more extensive one, hasn't gotten along in a long time and they all gathered for this, so that was a little scary.  No one knew what to expect.
There was also going to be a lot of alcohol involved which can always lead to the even more unexpected.
The kids were there, all for of his kids.  Two are older and may have found ways easier for them to cope but the other two are still so young and fragile, it couldn't have been easy.
Then, for me, there is the stuff I learned.  I already knew things ca be hidden or talked down or up depending on the situation.  Hell, I used to think my whole family really liked each other until I was older.  But this time, the problem is that all I have been fed about my uncle has been negative.  All of it.  I have never heard a nice thing about him until his funeral.  Even his first ex-wife had soft things to say and I thought she would be the one to never ever say something nice about the man.
So, here I am wondering how all of this positive shit got left out all the time.
He was so creative and talented and unique and wanted every person to be there own person.  It's almost funny now to learn what we had in common.
But at the time and still a little today, it stings.  I have been educated through a filter.  And all the anger and resentment could have been less.  It's hard to let go of that much anger, you know.

Well, I'm too tired to keep writing and I need to relax and continue on being unique and pushing through life to get all that I can from it, so with that, I will leave you and... I don't know, I guess I'll just go and brush my teeth.

Hey, How are you?

That was the text I recieved last night, and boy did it knock me over.  How am I?!!?  How am I?!?! Let me tell you just how I am.....

I can't believe I got the chance, but I did!  I got to tell him to go fuck himself.  It was amazing!!  Holy shit, closure feels so good!  I got to say everything, every little thing that's been stuck inside my head.  How much it hurt, what I was thinking, making up, all the nightmares and how much even my body has gotten fucked up!  I made him tell me everything too.  I made him admit that he was an idiot, and scared and thoughtless and that it was over.  I made him say goodbye to me, and he didn't want to.  It felt amazing.  Did I already say that?  Well, that's how amazing it was, so amazing I'm going to keep saying it!  He loves the shaved head too, that was a nice kicker!  Sucks to be you!!!!!!  I'm so much lighter.  I feel so much better.  It's taken forever it seems, but it's finally OVER!  Thank god for that. I mean, I don't believe in him and all, but this was so amazing, I just might start!  What an asshole!  God I feel good.  I'm done.  Done done.  And not a moment too soon.  I erased everything.  It's all gone.  I'm free and happy and okay.  My back still hurts, I'm hung over and my knee is trying to give out on me but I couldn't be better.  Fuck yeah! I'll probably have another entry about this, a more poetic one I think later, but here is the raw Yahoooooo!!!!!!!!!!!  for now.