Posting anyway

I took pictures today, and two days before that.  I quit my bar tending gig.  My throat is finally healing up.  I'm still keeping the smoking down to a minimum for the most part.  I took the dog out to play today and the park a couple times last week.  I sent out the Save-The-Dates yesterday.  I took a shower today.

I haven't done any yoga.  I haven't written my resume.  I didn't do laundry.  I didn't do the dishes.  I am smoking right now.  I stayed on the couch all day.  I hate my hair.  I haven't found a caterer yet.  I lost my friends, well, three of them.  I didn't clean the house today.  I didn't brush the dog.  My computer is still broken.  I need Photoshop!

I'm tired and I just want to feel like I accomplished something, anything.

I'm all over the place.  I have nothing to write and everything inside my head and I can't get it out I need to keep typing and stop correcting it while I'm doing it so that it flows faster to keep up with my mind which is spinning out of control I want to feel sexy again I want to work out I want to live somewhere else and not it this god forsaken apartment anymore.  I hate it here so much and Tuesday doesn't seem happy here either and Seneca isn't either

This sucks.  Normally when I get the urge to write here I have something to say but tonight, I got nothing.  Just babble.  Nothing clear to say.  My cramps are pissing me off and I can't take any of my pills because it's already so late and I'll be useless tomorrow if I take it now.  Not that I have anything in particular for tomorrow as far as plans go, but I don't need to guarantee a day of nothing when there's already so much to do.  Always so much to do.

I don't need to smoke more, I don't need to eat anything, I should go to sleep, and I need to do the dishes and laundry.  
I feel lost and frustrated.  I'm so frustrated with everything.  Money, the apartment, career, the wedding, the ones I thought were my friends, my body and well, everything.

Fuck it, I'm posting this anyway