Pulled Pork for Breakfast

No need for surgery, all is well, but the dentist still sucks and hurts.  But I'm fine now.  It's 4:30 in the morning, I woke up from a really weird dream with Dane Cook in it and now I can't go back to sleep.  Granted, I'm not trying very hard, but I don't really feel that tired.  All I know is that I think I want a cigarette but I don't.  I don't want to taste that right now and I know I already had too many today.  I can feel it in my chest and throat and I don't want that to get worse.  It feels crappy enough as it is.  What I would like is to not feel like I should eat something.  I am not hungry and I already had an ice cream, a pudding snack, a jar of baby food and some Pringles.  That would seem like a good enough bedtime snack, but apparently it is not.  I don't even know what else I would eat, other that reheating the food I brought home from the bar I work at, but that's like a whole sandwich, that's a lot of food.  I'm scared it will all fit and then I'll go to sleep with a belly full out pulled pork.  If I thought I was having fucked up dreams now, just wait until the pork takes over.  Then you'll see some crazy shit.  Plus, I really want that for breakfast.

I am also having trouble sleeping due to some discomfort.  I'm taking antibiotics and they are messing with my woman parts, so, I'm in a lot of discomfort and kinda wish I wasn't a female right now.  More info than you probably needed...

Anywho,
I hope today is as nice as it was yesterday.  It was so nice.  I had a good time out there shooting, photographing the missing place or empty space and taking back all of these locations for me.  They are no longer his, they are now mine.  It was fun and everyone seemed interested when they asked what I was working on so we'll see.  Maybe this is better than I expected.

I was also recovering from a fight with my best friend, so the wine today helped...

YES, I know, I said I was taking antibiotics and now I'm drinking, it's okay, it was just today and it was only a couple of glasses.  It won't happen again.  Promise.  Well, not this week anyway.

Right, so the fight, which wasn't an actual fight.  She never allows that.  She gets out of there before there can be one and cools off and comes back to talk about it.  That's fine, that's her way, but not mine.  I know I can't understand how she feels but I don't think this is one of those "Let's take three days to think about it and then talk" kind of things.  I was louder and snappier (don't think that's really a word) than I meant to be but purely out of shock and before I could explain myself, she was gone.  Behind a locked door with the hair dryer going.  So, I waited and realized quickly, we were not going to talk about it today.  So, I went out and shot and brought home some pulled pork for breakfast.  Yeah!

My problem is the middle ground.  I'm instant.  I'm a knee jerker, if you will.  I don't have much patience and I don't care for it.  I like to talk it out or yell it out or whatever, until it is all out.  Things eat away at my insides and I know I will not find the "perfect words" to say whatever to whomever, so I just keep saying words until good ones come out that are as close to perfect as I'm gonna get.  I also understand that any relationship is a two way street and I need to have patience for others, but why is it all on me?  Why can't there be both?  I give you time and you don't take as much?  Now I've had to wait and you've had to come back sooner.  We both win.  It feels like it's always on me.  I always have to find the patience and no one has to ever hurry up and say it now for me.  It's not fair really.
Eh, whom I kidding, I'm gonna have a cigarette and try to sleep, so Ta Ta for now, and sweet dreams world!