I'm bloated and a little crazy

For starters it doesn't help that I've been watching TV and eating salted nuts for two hours, but you gotta admit it.  We all are a little crazy.  I call her my "crazy girl".  You know, al those stupid thoughts that blow everything way out of proportion.  Our imaginations run wild.  I used to image amazing things like when I was a little girl riding in the car with my mom, I would imagine an entire herd of horses running along side us.  It was difficult for my mom considering I was constantly yelling out "Watch out!" due to her almost running some of them over.  but still, i would imagine these stallions running with us even if we were just going to the deli down the road to get cold cuts.

Now, well, now I imagine failing a test, or falling down the stairs, or being in the hospital, or a guy not calling me because he has found the love of his life in the past two days and no longer wants anything to do with me.  How is this possible!!??!  When did my imagination decide to turn on me?  When did hope leave and fear take its place.

Granted, it doesn't help when they guy follows the don't call for three days crap.  i don't think they understand what our minds are capable of in those three days.

That's who I call the "crazy girl".  It's the voice in the back of my head that makes up all this shit, and helps me overanalyze and look way to far into the future.  The crazy shit, like:  I need to know where we stand even though I don't want a relationship and I want to see other people and will tell you it's okay but I lose my mind every night I don't see you cause I think you're using those condoms on some other girl and she's better than me.  Or worse, she means nothing, which only means neither do I.

See, that's what I' m talking about.  Crazy!
I don't want to know, I don't care, I don't want you to love me and I certainly don't won't to be a girlfriend.  That's when the crazy girl gets seriously crazy.

So, here I am, bloated, lonely, smoking another cigarette, bored, and I don't think I'll be able to fall asleep at a reasonable hour either.  Even worse than that is if he calls, I'll tell him to come over.  I better stay strong, no entry after midnight.  He's got 16 minutes.  I should be safe from that, but can I keep it up at 2am?  I've got a lot of shit to do tomorrow, why do you think I'm not drinking?  Well, I am trying to take a brake, but I also know what position that puts me in.  I am the worst drunk dialer.  I'll keep calling till something happens.  It's not good, cause sometimes you call so many that you start dialing numbers you wouldn't believe and those are always the ones to answer.  It's a hole I plan to stop digging.

So, anyway, There are groceries, websites, cleaning, editing, emailing and god knows what else to do tomorrow.  On a side note, I can't believe there is only one "t" in "editing".  Shouldn't it be "editting" because of the sound the "i" makes?  English is so confusing.  You'd think learning another language for us would be easy considering how retarded ours is.  Like any other language would seem easy cause it made sense.  Oh well.  I guess that's it.  I guess I can vent more tomorrow, starting with why babies are so flexible and thank god it's cancer.