It was either that or Benadryl

I thought I was fine, but as it turns out, not so much...

I can't sleep, so I drank some NyQuil.  I don't like to do that and don't do it often but I am not sure how else to get my brain to shut the fuck up.  It seems like the more I try to get it out the more worked up I get.  So, I can talk about it and write about it, but I will still need to talk or write about it, and I need to sleep!

On a similar subject, how is it that I can go so far on a subject inside my head, to over analyze something or someone to the point of insanity, when I even know that this is crazy and yet still can't stop.  Okay, I know that actually makes me sound more crazy, but seriously.  I know the thoughts in my head don't make sense and I know what's happening but I can't stop it.

For those of you at home, I am obsessing over a guy.  I guy that I am not involved with officially.  A guy the I don't even think I'm ready to be involved with but still a guy that I like and that hasn't talked to me in weeks.  I keep saying that I just want to know where I stand but I already do.  I'm now the girl that he isn't calling and might not call for a long time or ever.  I'm not as important right now, for whatever the reason.  He might be depressed or scared or moving on but what ever it is, it's not me.  So, why can't I sleep?  Why am I trying so hard to figure out what is going on?   Why do I give a shit!?!?

I need to relax and get over it.  I need to let it go.  We always want things to be clear and easy but things are almost never clear and easy.  Closure is something most never receive and I am not any exception.  This is just ridiculous.  I seem to have started a blog to vent at random strangers or people I know, even funnier, about mundane stupid, slightly crazy, shit!  Although, on a side note, I did not tell him about this blog.  I knew better when it got started.

Well, on that note, I will leave you with my babble and brush my teeth again and hope to not smoke another cigarette.  The last one I had didn't even taste that good.  Maybe I'll get some rest.  Granted, it might only be physical since it's gonna be induced by cold medicine and my mind will keep going anyway, but I settle for that for now.  I'm just so damn tired and hope to get things done tomorrow.  Thanks for listening, I guess, or reading, technically.